I have a very specific need. (Job related.) I have been praying for 139 days, one form or another of this specific need. I have had friends join me in this prayer. I’ve written exhaustive journal entries.
God has been mostly silent.
I’ve also done leg work. I’ve gone above and beyond what I would normally do in this situation. I’ve made pro/con lists. I’ve consulted people I often do in these types of scenarios. I’ve done everything I can think of.
God has been mostly silent.
I say mostly because there have been small moments of clarity. And He has most definitely filled every need that my family has had between then and now. But he has been mostly silent otherwise. Don’t get me wrong. I am thrilled that he has blessed my family so greatly. And while we have been going through an incredibly trying time? We are still so much better off than a large portion of the world. So for that, I am thankful.
I am thankful but frustrated.
In these frustrated moments, my family and friends have rallied around me. They have helped me to stay sane. To keep trusting God, to pray. But sometimes? That really feels like it’s not enough. Why hasn’t he answered me? I’ve seen so many amazing things happen to those around me in those 139 days, things that leave me asking “Do you even hear me?”
So instead of turning away, like I would have done just a few short years ago? I’ve turned to Him. I’ve grabbed my Bible and read more in the past 4 months, truly studying in a way that I never have before. I’ve been deepening a relationship with Christ that I can honestly admit I didn’t realize I was missing.
But in these moments I have realized something. God does not run on Jacque time. He runs on his time, and His alone. He has a plan, and He will continue to meet our needs as long as we continue to be faithful. But He needs us to learn something in the mean time. Maybe He needs to use us as an example for something greater than we can possibly imagine.
Scripture is full of these examples. Jesus could have made it to Lazarus and healed him before he died. Instead, he waited. God could have freed Joseph from prison immediately. Instead, he left him there for a full decade. He could have given Abraham a child at a much younger age. Instead, he made him wait 100 years. 100 YEARS. And Abraham remained faithful.
Luke 18 says we should be like the persistent widow, she kept coming back to the court for justice until she received the outcome she was looking for.
I have been persistent. I will continue to be persistent. If Abraham could wait 100 years? Surely I can wait a few months, right?
And on days that I worry that He doesn’t care or doesn’t hear me? I remember Paslm 34:17, God hears the prayers of the righteous. Sometimes in these moments of silence, he is working the hardest to set the stage for something better to come.
In these moments we need to pray, and then step back and be silent. Let him work, let him show us the way.